If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Randomize
