remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants