well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us