i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother