Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.