we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
