Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
