Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I think I won the penis lottery.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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