She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
