She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
