You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
they're like a gay fantastic four
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
