His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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