Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
