Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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