I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
