I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
