I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
