My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I currently don't understand fingers.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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