im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I have tasted many bathrooms
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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