ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
