i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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