so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
