She said her name was "party"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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