worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I need to calm my uterus...
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
