even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
