I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
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I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
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but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize