It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
