Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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