I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
