if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
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That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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