Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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