yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
