Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
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we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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