Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
