I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
