We won't sleep together?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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