tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
