4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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