hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
