I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Duck Duck Cougar?
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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