Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
