I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
