When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
