Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
