Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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