My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
