You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
