she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
