I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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