i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
