She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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