I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
