man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
