whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
