today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
