there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
