I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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