blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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