I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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