Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
