Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
