i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
We need to get me chipped asap
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
