I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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