i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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