why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
The struggles of a small town man whore
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
