y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
