He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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