Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
