It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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