Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
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