we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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