Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Pants are for mortals
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
