Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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