The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
