we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
