Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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