and you said cock pushups were impossible
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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